“A man with experience is never at the mercy of a man with a theory.”

It is better to approach each man with an open heart, honoring his unique gifts and destiny. I want to help him discover the one-of-a-kind plan of God for his life.

Build Self-Awareness

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Share Meals

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Space to Connect

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Long-Term Friendship

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Build Self-Awareness ✳︎ Share Meals ✳︎ Space to Connect ✳︎ Long-Term Friendship ✳︎

Why Men’s Ministry Matters

I believe the family is the fundamental building block of any nation. A man is called to lead his family in partnership with his wife and children, with unity, honor, respect, and love.

I did not set out intentionally to focus on men’s ministry or to help men; it simply unfolded that way. One reason may be my deep care for women and children. The best way I know to help them is to help the men in their lives.

There is a powerful verse at the end of the Old Testament, just before the 400 years of silence leading up to the New Testament. It speaks of the hearts of fathers turning toward their children. I believe that emphasis is deeply important and should not be understated.

The Need for True Manhood

I believe there is a major lack of true manhood, leadership and strength in the world today. Experience has taught me many helpful lessons. One phrase that has stayed with me is this: a man with experience is never at the mercy of a may with a theory.

My Mentoring Approach

Over the past fifty years, I have mentored more than 60 men. Before agreeing to mentor someone, I ask questions to understand where he is in life, including his goals, dreams, disappointments, shortcomings, and failures — as much as he is willing to share.

I then tell him that I will only mentor a man who is hungry, humble, and teachable. If he does not have those qualities, working together would be a waste of both his time and mine.

As I look at life, experience is one of the greatest teachers. I do not have degrees or certifications in mentoring men. There are many books written about helping men in different areas of life, but I have chosen not to read them because I do not want my mentoring to become a formula copied from someone else.

I believe it is better to approach each man with an open heart, honoring his unique gifts and destiny. I want to help him discover the one-of-a-kind plan God has for his life.

Seeing What Is Hidden

When a man comes to me for help, I often wonder what potential is waiting to be developed in him and what has brought him to this point. I have gained experience in many areas of life, and sometimes that experience is visible enough to draw men who are looking for guidance.

In my experience, it is rare for a man to seek help because many men tend to be independent and self-reliant. Generally speaking, I have found that women are often wiser about asking for help. Even the simple example of asking for directions when lost illustrates this: women are often more willing to ask, while men may keep driving rather than admit they need direction.

When I begin mentoring a man, I ask him, “What are the top three areas in your life where you are currently being deceived?” Most men draw a complete blank. After waiting for him to admit he does not know, I explain that deception is different from lying.

You usually know when someone is lying to you, but you do not know when you are being deceived. Much of helping men involves helping them see what they do not yet realize. They may only see their situation from their own perspective, while I try to offer insight shaped by experience and by asking God for wisdom.

For that kind of relationship to work, both of us must bring openness, vulnerability, and trust.

Building Self Awareness

One helpful approach is giving men a better understanding of how they are wired. Many men do not naturally recognize this. I draw on a simple personality assessment from my professional background in business: the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.

It takes only a few minutes to answer the questions and review the results.
It can offer insight into values, preferences, thinking patterns, communication, and listening style.
It helps a man better understand how he functions and approaches life.
It can also help him understand why his family may struggle to understand him—and open his mind to better understand them.

I have found it to be fairly accurate and useful for building self-awareness. Conflicts with his wife or children may become clearer when he considers that each family member is uniquely made, with distinct perspectives, values, and ways of thinking.

The Importance of Perspective

I often use simple illustrations and humor to help men understand the importance of perspective. For example, imagine two men looking at an elephant: one stands at the front and describes the trunk, while the other stands at the back and describes the tail. Both descriptions can be accurate, even though they are very different, because neither man sees the whole animal.

That illustrates how much perspective matters. When we are stuck in our own ways or focused only on ourselves, our perspective becomes small and limited. It is better to step back, look at the bigger picture, and consider what should be said before reacting or speaking harshly.

Long-Term Friendship

(& Sharpening)

I hope this has been helpful. These are simply a few pointers and lessons I have learned over time. Some men I have mentored were with me for only a few weeks as they worked through a difficult season; others stayed connected for several years.

Long-term relationships often become close friendships, and I value them because they carry fewer expectations than short-term mentoring usually does. We can simply be ourselves, do life together, and enjoy our friendship.

Bible scripture says that iron sharpens iron, and I believe that is important because every man can be right in his own eyes. When another man comes alongside him, he can help sharpen him by offering correction or pointing out issues. If the relationship is strong, honest observation can be offered without intimidation or judgment—with love, care, and concern for a brother.